Welcome to United Airlines. We have charged you the top price for our old plane which should be retiring in another year. However we want to make sure you pay for every piece that’s left in it. We understand other airlines offer newer business class seats and upgraded services but we offer a different experience. We bring back the memories of old days, limited service style and equipment. It costs us to maintain our old style and hence the price of your ticket. We guarantee that if champagne spills on a fellow passenger one of the crew members will attend when they have time. You will get attention though. We will also make sure that if a cargo door is loose, we will stop the plane when it’s half way during take off. It does not matter that service containers are not secured properly and plates and trays fall all over the place as the plane comes to a screeching halt. If we did not mention before, we do not provide timely updates regarding departure because we do not bother our customers again and again. As for in flight entertainment we provide the system where you can only watch what we play, when we play. Please use headsets provided by us because headset Jack in our seats is incompatible with any headsets manufactured in the last decade.
Lastly we want you to have some fun in the air. For this we have provided mechanical seats with 6 levers so that you can play and figure out how to get your seat adjusted. Please be safe. We hope you have a great journey and if there is anything we cannot do for you, please don’t mention it to us. Thanks for choosing United.
@ travelogue from daras
daras 